Men Like Aubrey Marcus: Why I Stopped Attending Plant Medicine Ceremonies

When you listen to the most recent Aubrey Marcus podcast, it’s hard to ignore the unsettling characteristics he presents. He’s the perfect example of a specific type of man that many women, including myself, have dated, fallen in love with, or even married.

They’re called spiritual narcissists: men who embed themselves in New Age communities and use plant medicine ceremonies, combined with New Age philosophy, as tools to seduce, manipulate, and spiritually gaslight women under the guise of healing.

What Aubrey shares is a love story wrapped in plant medicine, but it reveals a deeper, more disturbing pattern: women being groomed toward polyamory under the guise of spiritual expansion.

Groomed Through "Healing": A Familiar Story in Spiritual Circles

When they met, Aubrey shared his struggles with lust and monogamy. Vylana, having a history of consistently being misled, lied to, and cheated on, wasn’t initially interested in him.

He was obsessed with her, so he settled for a friendship.

During that time, he learned about her father's absence and that her deepest desire was to be fully chosen by one man.

Aubrey convinced her he could be that man. They began dating. They got married.

Then came the confession: he still desired other women.

After countless “medicine journeys” to work through her infidelity trauma, Vylana agreed to open their marriage “occasionally.” 

That ‘occasional' became a pattern. And soon, every city became a new opportunity.

Eventually, they met another woman. She was invited into their world via Aubrey’s new plant medicine modality. During that session, a “soul contract” was declared, and the triad began dating.

The story climaxed in Egypt, where, in the Temple of Isis, Aubrey claimed to receive a “download”: he was meant to procreate with both women.

Vylana was devastated. The other woman was confused. They broke up for three months.

Now, they're back together, navigating “radical monogamy” with a spiritual therapist known for his unconventional methods.

All I could think while listening was, ‘Ladies, blink twice.’

The Neuroscience of Plant Medicine and Why It Clouds Judgment

It’s a scientific fact that plant medicines like ayahuasca, peyote, and ketamine alter brain chemistry in profound ways. While these substances can offer healing in controlled, professional settings, they’re often misused.

Unfortunately, what we’re witnessing in the West is an abuse of the original intent of these sacred ceremonies and an addiction to the escapism that these altered states provide.

Here’s what neuroscience reveals about how these substances impact the brain:

• Ayahuasca activates DMT and MAOIs, triggering serotonin receptors for deep emotional and spiritual awareness.

• Peyote similarly activates serotonin 5-HT2A receptors, creating euphoric visions and insights.

• Ketamine impacts glutamate NMDA receptors, detaching you from ego and body, which is helpful in trauma healing, but risky for relational clarity.

In these states, your prefrontal cortex (the brain's judgment and discernment center) is subdued while oxytocin and dopamine surge. 

These neurochemical surges, particularly oxytocin, are the same “love chemicals” released in women during the early stages of romantic bonding, creating an intense and premature sense of trust, connection, and even a soul-level attachment.

Participants are also sleep-deprived and fasting, while being emotionally cracked wide open for hours or days.

The aftermath can be euphoric or leave you exhausted and depleted. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, confused, and unsure of what is real and what is a projection of your subconscious or ego.

Your ability to discern red flags, regulate attachment, implement boundaries, and remain grounded in reality is compromised.

Therefore, it’s essential to question the authenticity of the “downloads” that occur during or after ceremonies and the validity of the consensual behavior that follows.

The Dangers of New Age Communities

New Age spirituality emerged in the 1960s as a liberating alternative to traditional religious dogma, blending ancient wisdom traditions, Christian principles, and modern self-help psychology.

Unfortunately, some aspects of this philosophy have become a doctrine of denial, creating a cultural standard that is dangerous, especially when applied to plant medicine communities.

When judgment is pathologized, boundaries are dismissed as “blocks,” resistance is labeled “ego,” and people are encouraged to disconnect from their discernment.

Often, when you step into the medicine ceremony container, you’re told:

• This is a safe space to be vulnerable

• See everyone as a brother or sister

• Be open to all experiences

• Trust the journey

However, there are times when your instincts whisper 'no,' while the community says 'yes,' and discernment gets drowned in neurochemicals and the dark underbelly of New Age philosophy.

So, you second-guess yourself.

But here’s the truth: your ability to have good judgment keeps you alive.

Not everyone is safe. Boundaries are necessary. And resistance is often your body’s innate alarm system telling you “no.”

Under these circumstances, it's common to misinterpret genuine red flags as fear or unhealed wounds, making it dangerously easy to dismiss your intuition in the name of growth.

What makes things more confusing is the assumption that everyone attending is vetted, safe, and there for the right reasons, but that is far from the truth.

In spaces like these, spiritual narcissists become expert chameleons, masking their manipulation beneath the language of healing and enlightenment.

The Spiritual Narcissist Playbook

Spiritual narcissists thrive in altered-state communities.

They are familiar with the language of trauma-informed healing. They wear the mask of grounded masculine leadership. They quote David Deida and speak of ‘divine feminine safety.’

But underneath?

They are predators, and ceremonies are their hunting grounds.

The spiritual narcissist is the one who stands out in the crowd because he has a magnetic presence that pulls people in. He’s well-dressed, popular, charming, and charismatic.

He’s saying all the right things and sounds like an awakened man doing the work, claiming to have ascended beyond ‘lower vibrations’ and wanting to help others do the same.

In reality, he exploits these sacred spaces to elevate his God-complex, avoid therapy, seduce women, and publicly perform practices for admiration rather than growth.

The spiritual narcissist will invade your space by:

• Inserting themselves into your healing process

• Using your trauma history as leverage

• Mirroring your language

• Weaponizing your empathy against you

• Twisting boundaries into “limitations” and “fear”

• Gaslighting your intuition by labeling it “ego,” “control,” or “wounding.”

Women healing from trauma are especially vulnerable, as their open-heartedness, self-reflection, and willingness to trust the “divine masculine” can make them prime targets for manipulation.

But this isn’t an awakened man; it’s emotional exploitation. He wants you to believe that chemistry is consent and vulnerability is compatibility. 

In reality, it’s the perfect storm for trauma bonding masquerading as soul connection.

When “That’s Him” Was a Warning, Not a Sign

It was January 2023, and I was heading into a medicine ceremony weekend to celebrate my birthday. 

I had an intuitive feeling I’d meet someone, so I wasn’t surprised when I saw him and a voice said, “That’s him.” 

Because we were part of a shared medicine community, I dropped my guard and assumed that all attendees had been vetted, interpreting the message as positive.

Looking back, I now know it was a warning. 

But I didn’t listen. I saw red flags. I felt that something was off. But I ignored it, believing that I was being judgmental, closed-hearted, and avoiding what I came to heal.

What unfolded over the next 18 months was a relationship filled with psychological and emotional abuse, manipulation, and chaos, all wrapped in the language of “sacred union” by a spiritual narcissist.

It was confusing because people loved him. He was magnetic, charming, and fawned over. I assumed that if I was experiencing something different, the issue must be me.

And every time we sat in on the ceremony, I lost a piece of myself because I trusted the medicine more than my discernment.

I was silencing myself to fit into a container that I thought was safe.

Unfortunately, what was happening behind closed doors was that I was stuck in a relationship with a spiritual narcissist who was claiming to be “a protector of the feminine,” but was the exact opposite, and no one knew.

Discernment Is The Medicine

It took months after the breakup to recognize what had happened, months to acknowledge that it wasn’t love and we weren’t soul mates.

When the oxytocin haze dissipated, I created space from the plant medicine community, allowing me to realize who he really was.

That “download” I had at the start? It wasn’t divine confirmation, it was my intuition sounding the alarm.

Now, I understand that discernment is the true medicine. 

We don’t need more altered states to find ourselves. We need sober eyes, solid hearts, and strong boundaries. 

Because sustainable healing doesn’t come from surrendering your sovereignty, it isn’t about being endlessly open. Healing is about knowing when to close the door. 

It comes from learning to trust yourself.

You’re allowed to trust your gut, even if it makes you look judgmental.

You’re allowed to say no, even in “safe” spaces.

You’re allowed to walk away from “healing containers” that feel off.

Spiritual language can be a smokescreen for manipulation. 

Discernment, not devotion, is what keeps you safe.

Plant Medicine Isn’t The Problem

The problem is what happens when your discernment is dismissed, your boundaries are blurred, and your trauma is used against you by someone performing as a healer, protector, or “twin flame.”

If this story hits home, you are not alone. You were preyed upon in a system that encourages emotional nudity without protection.

But you can rebuild trust with yourself.

You can develop discernment without disconnecting from your heart.

You can be an empowered woman who loves deeply, but wisely.

You can also attract an emotionally available man who doesn’t need plant medicine ceremonies to be spiritual and faithful.

Being an empowered woman means understanding your biology, protecting your energy, and recognizing when “healing” is actually hurting you.

And most importantly, it means knowing: just because it’s spiritual doesn’t mean it’s safe.