The first 90 days of dating are everything.

They shape how a man will see you (as a good time or girlfriend) and set the emotional tone of the dynamic. It will also reveal the type of man you're attracting and, most importantly, filter out emotionally immature men, toxic partners, and narcissists.

If you’re serious about building a healthy, secure relationship with a commitment-ready man, your mission in those early months is simple: Activate vasopressin.

What Is Vasopressin and Why It Matters

Vasopressin is the male bonding hormone. It influences loyalty, protectiveness, and long-term emotional investment.

Here’s the catch: Men only release vasopressin when they work for a woman over time.

Testosterone drives the hunt; vasopressin makes him emotionally care about what he’s hunting. The more effort, consistency, and intention he puts in, the more deeply he bonds.

Think of it like this: he loses interest if the buffalo appears on his doorstep without him having to put in effort. And yes, you are the buffalo (respectfully).

Think of it this way: Be hard to get but easy to be with.

Be Hard to Get, Easy to Be With

If you’ve ever been told to “play hard to get,” you probably rolled your eyes—because no one wants to play games. But the phrase has a biological truth when it’s rooted in science and discernment, not manipulation.

Being hard to get doesn’t mean being cold, rude, or unavailable. It means you’re selective, exclusive, and have boundaries.

Being easy to be with means being kind, approachable, and emotionally stable.

Together? That combo is irresistible to emotionally available men. And here’s why: it activates dopamine, testosterone, and vasopressin, the triad that cultivates commitment.

If you’re ‘easy to get’ by always being available, at his beck and call, or jumping into bed, anticipation and testosterone drop, his interest fades, and vasopressin is never activated. 

Here are 16 science-backed dating practices that will help you activate vasopressin and attract a man who’s emotionally invested in you:

1. Lead With Character, Not Sexuality

Show him who you are, not how sexy you can be. In a world where men have 24/7 access to sexual imagery, an emotionally available man is looking for an authentic connection and compatibility. Highlight your values, lifestyle, and personality to activate bonding.

2. Practice Modern Modesty

Mystery builds anticipation and releases dopamine. Commitment-ready men are tired of hypersexualized women. He wants someone he can bring home to Mom, not someone overexposed and provocative. Choose one feature to highlight at a time and leave the rest for him to discover as the relationship progresses.

3. Be Exclusive, Not Easy

Exclusivity increases value. Everyone wants to get into the VIP section because not everyone can. Be the VIP section. Be the woman who doesn’t entertain low-effort advances and declines casual hangouts, late-night texts, and situationships. If he is interested, this will increase his testosterone and make him plan a date.

4. Focus On You, Not On Him

Men are attracted to autonomous women with full lives. Stay focused on your purpose, goals, routine, and self-care. Show him you take your life seriously, and he will, too. Don’t obsess and center your world around him; it’s a turn-off. Being busy and slightly unavailable increases exclusivity and attraction.

5. Let Him Miss You

Men fall in love in your absence. Stay warm but slightly mysterious, space out your texts and dates, and don’t overstay your welcome energetically or physically. While women bond through quality time, men process feelings when you’re not around, so give him space to miss you.

6. Be the Hunted, Not the Hunter

Let him lead. When a man pursues what he’s interested in, it activates dopamine, testosterone, and vasopressin. Allow him to approach you, make plans, initiate exclusivity, and say “I love you” first. Don’t be the buffalo that appears on his doorstep; let him hunt you.

7. Reciprocate, Don’t Suffocate

Match his actions, not his words. If he texts, reply. If he plans, show up. If he pulls back, you do too. What he does shows you how he feels. Overgiving is leading and teaches him to do the bare min. If he’s not investing, he’s not interested.

8. Respond, Don’t React

Men are sensitive. Drama, yelling, and emotional volatility are overwhelming and activate estrogen, which makes them withdraw. Vasopressin thrives in emotional safety. Stay emotionally regulated: firm, clear, grounded. He needs to feel safe with you to bond and commit.

9. Keep It Short and Sweet

Men are single-focused and linear thinkers. Keep communication concise, and he will happily listen. Avoid long-winded stories or every detail from your day, which make him check-out. He’s not your bestie; he’s your man. Maintain a little mystery and speak intentionally. Say less, receive more. 

10. Let Him Provide, Protect, and Problem-Solve

Men bond through doing. Let him carry things, fix something, or solve a problem, even if you can do it alone. These small moments activate vasopressin and are vital. Invite him to show up for you. He is designed to be the hero; let him shine!

11. Acknowledgement and Appreciation

Men need positive reinforcement. When you verbally acknowledge his efforts, strengths, and leadership, he feels appreciated and will be motivated to stick around and do more. 80% of feedback should be positive; 20% can be gentle, constructive criticism. Say ‘thank you’ often.

12. Choose Activity-Based Dates

Men want companionship and someone to have fun with, not just sex. Request activity-based dates when he can teach you something new, protect you on a hike, or solve a problem at your house. Shared activities are bonding experiences and build emotional connections for the masculine.

13. Be Logical, Not Just Emotional

Women future-fantasize because oxytocin creates immediate attachment. Slow down. Stay logical. Focus on compatibility and companionship. Emotionally available men take 2-3 months to verify you; you should do the same. Desperation repels; discernment attracts.

14. Delay Physical Intimacy

Men don’t want a woman who quickly gets into bed. He will test you and try, but not having casual sex translates as exclusivity, loyalty, and self-respect. Let him earn access to your body. It takes 2-3 months for vasopressin to develop, which means intimacy before this doesn't have emotional meaning and is fleeting.

15. Stay Sober and Self-Controlled

Substances destroy discernment and are responsible for 60% of relationship issues because they impair authenticity and intimacy. Request daytime, sober, activity-based dates so you can explore whether there is an authentic connection.

16. Respect Masculinity

Men crave respect. They bond with women who make them feel safe, seen, respected, and appreciated. If you have negative beliefs about ‘all men,’ you'll repel emotionally available men. Good men are looking for women who’ve healed their issues with masculinity and know how to treat a man with respect.

The 16 'Be Hard to Get, Easy to Be' With Practices

These practices illuminate that you don’t have to play games or lower your standards to be chosen by a commitment-ready, emotionally available man. What you need is to understand how healthy, emotionally available men bond.

The more he works for your attention, the more he bonds. The more you discern, the more peace you’ll feel. The more self-respect you show, the more he’ll value you. Stay focused on being your best self, and let vasopressin do the rest!