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Ladies, Men Are Vetting You

Writer's picture: Alexis RosenbaumAlexis Rosenbaum

Updated: 4 days ago



Many women don’t realize that healthy men (who aren't driven by sexual desires) spend the first 2-3 months evaluating whether a woman is just a placeholder (someone to have fun with) or a serious contender for a relationship (potential girlfriend or future wife).


During this time, he will—often unconsciously—test you to see whether you are led by your sexuality (which signals a placeholder) or by your character (which signals long-term potential).


Why does this matter? Because emotionally healthy men—those who have done their inner work—are looking for a woman who is loyal, faithful, and exclusive, with firm personal boundaries.


How He Determines This


A key factor in his decision-making process is how easily you share your sexuality with him. If intimacy is given too freely, he may assume that you would behave the same way with other men now and in the future.


So, he’ll test this. He may make sexual advances early on—not just to escalate physically, but to gauge how you respond.


💡 Your reaction provides the data he needs to categorize you: a short-term fling or a serious partner.


The Science Behind His Bonding Process


This process isn’t just psychological; it’s biological. A man’s testosterone drives his initial pursuit, but after he sleeps with you, his testosterone drops. If his vasopressin levels—the hormone responsible for male emotional bonding—haven’t had time to build, he won’t form a strong attachment, and you’ll remain a placeholder.


So What Should You Do Instead?


Rather than leading with sexuality, lead with who you are—your values, lifestyle, and boundaries. Here’s how:


Lead with your character. Show him your values, ambitions, and how you live your life. A quality man is attracted to a woman’s substance, not just her surface.


Practice modern-day modesty. Instead of revealing everything at once, accentuate just one feature. Emotionally mature men are protective and don’t want other men gawking at what they cherish.


Save the sexy. Your sensuality is sacred. Reserve that side of you for a man who has proven he cherishes and respects you—after exclusivity is established.


Reject casual advances. Be clear that you don’t engage in casual flings or share your sexuality freely. A man who values you will respect this boundary.


Hold firm on your boundaries. Stay out of the bedroom for at least the first three months and focus on observing who he is. If he loses interest because you won’t be physically intimate right away, he wasn’t the right man for you in the first place.


Understand masculine bonding biology. Vasopressin is activated over time outside the bedroom—through shared experiences, problem-solving, and acts of provision and protection. A man bonds through investment, not just attraction.


The right man won’t rush the process. He’ll respect your boundaries, cherish your character, and pursue you with patience and intentionality. 💛



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