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  • Writer's pictureAlexis Rosenbaum

What's a Transformational Divorce?

Updated: Nov 29, 2021

Life Coaching Strategies For Conscious Uncoupling...

We know the conventional divorce narrative all too well because we see it in the movies, in our families, and circle of friends. There’s pain, blame, and suffering. The divorce process is traumatic and lengthy, full of power-struggles and verbal abuse. After months (or sometimes years) of fighting over who gets what, both parties are left feeling like depleted, disoriented, desperate victims.

That’s the conventional divorce story that society models for us, so that’s what most people do.

Well, I’m calling B U L L S H * T.

I’m calling bullsh*t on that archaic, dysfunctional, and toxic narrative because there is another way. A healthier way. A healing way. An empowering way to navigate a divorce. In the divorce recovery industry, it's been referred to as ‘conscious uncoupling.’ In my coaching practice, I call it Transformational Divorce.

A Transformational Divorce is when you choose to utilize the process as an opportunity for personal growth, healing, and empowerment.

It involves taking responsibility for your story and contributions to the marriage ending, releasing your ex, and focusing on cultivating your personal sovereignty.

What the conventional divorce narrative doesn’t teach us is that divorce is an incredible opportunity to pause and do our work.

As one chapter closes and we transition into another, we are given a moment in time to reflect, reset and realign with our authentic selves. We’re being invited to courageously transform our pain, heartbreak, and loss into courage, wisdom, and strength.

I know this because not only have I witnessed it, I’ve experienced it.

When my marriage ended, I was a 39-year-old housewife with a toddler in tow and completely dependent on my husband. I had: no money, vehicle, job, or autonomy of my own. I felt scared, stuck, and shattered.

A few days later, I had a life-changing breakthrough as I walked out of the social services office. I had just completed paperwork while nursing my son, as tears ran down my face. When I stepped onto the sidewalk I felt dizzy, my heart was racing, my vision was blurry when it hit me: ‍I DID THIS.

At that moment I realized that I was not a victim. My entire story had been driven by codependency, which is what had led me here.

This was no longer about ‘we’ or ‘us’ or what ‘he did’. It was about ME taking complete responsibility for myself and my story. So, with tears in my eyes, I released my ex from being responsible for my pain and truly let him go...

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